Friday, August 23, 2013

Mom of three.

I have felt a bit behind some adoptive families at times with our bonding with Lena. Or, rather, her bond with us. Some others that we know have been blessed to have been called momma and daddy from early in the relationship. I am not sure what slowed us in this process. Our personalities? Her personality? The time it took for me to be convinced of how much I was in love with her? Just a set of crazy circumstances? Lack of communication time? Translation issues? I am not sure.

But regardless. This morning Ronnie woke at 4:09 and happened to think to check his phone. Amazingly, she sent us a message at 4:10 saying "Hi."

We talked.

I sent photos of backpacks, purses, shoes, notebooks - she told me what she needed, liked, wanted.

Ronnie asked her a lot of questions. Some more personal than we have felt the freedom to ask prior to today.

We showed her photos of Josiah and Lydia from the last few weeks - she said "our family!"

We showed her - for the first time - a couple of photos of extended family. Grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. (my family is pretty loud and we know we can be a bit overwhelming for first timers... I figured we should go ahead and start with introductions before she gets in country :)) HA!

She said - again - "our family."

Not long after that, maybe it was the first time she felt freedom. Or the first time our communication had gone deep enough. Maybe it was that I have only recently realized that I had not called her "daughter" in my messages.... and started that this week. I have referred to her as daughter to others.... but in my emails and texts to her, I have called her princess, sweet girl, and Lena.

Regardless, about one and a half hours into our conversation it happened. "мама я також тебе люблю"

Momma, I also love you.

Enough. My day was perfect. I am, emotionally, really mom of three.... legally, we still have a ways to go - but we have crossed yet another small - yet great - step to bonding.

We talked for three hours. Sometimes clearly, and some things I still don't understand.

I had yet to get really emotional about this whole process. Not that I haven't felt strong emotions, obviously..... but I haven't cried. Until today. About 5 hours after she got offline, I was driving, I had bought her some shoes. I have bought so many other things for her - shirts, dresses, school supplies, hair bands, make-up. But the shoes apparently got me. Today. I cried.

I cried joy tears - because she called me momma.

I cried fear tears - because I have to admit every day that nothing is for sure. (but that is true in all of life)

I cried pain tears - my daughter is halfway around the world asking for school shoes.

I cried hope tears - we are taking steps this weekend and next week towards bringing her home.

I just pulled in the parking lot - with Josiah in the back seat asking what was wrong - and I cried.

мама я також тебе люблю.

1 comment:

  1. Your last post did inspire a post on my blog, so you are welcome to visit.

    I'm glad you got that "mama" you wanted and needed. I still have a child (who began as a foster child, though he's Russian - long story) who still calls me by my formal name, "Mrs. K...." People laugh about that, or look at me quizzically but he is the one who is probably closest to me at the moment.

    I lost my initial delight in being called "mama" when I found out that in Russian orphanages, at least, the children call ALL the women caregivers "mama". That was OK though; our first son called me "mama" right off the bat and my husband was suspicious they coached the children to do that to win people's hearts. Now it is "Hey, mom...." and he's as much my son as my bio kids are. Thanks be to God!