Monday, December 9, 2013

SDA emotions.

I want to try to capture my emotions from today as compared to last Wednesday.

As I stood in the hallway Wednesday, December 4,  waiting, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was already a nervous wreck walking in. The truth is, the information they gave us didn't really shock me. You see, in my two pregnancy losses, I knew before I saw the doctor each time, that there was a problem. Now, in this adoption, I knew there was a problem. It's a mom thing, I guess. The knowing something is wrong with your kid before you officially know that something is wrong. That whole meeting is still a blur of emotions to me and I realized today that I have no memory of walking back down those stairs on Wednesday. The only memory I have of leaving that office was after we got further down the street and Our facilitator asked what we wanted to do next. My thought was that i wanted to cry..... I didn't want to be seen. But we had some stuff to give to some friends who are also here adopting, so, I realized I had to pull myself together so I could be presentable to people. There is a picture of us after lunch that day.... While I was trying to hide my anger, fear, frustration, etc., it is still quite evident in that photo that I was ready to beat someone. 

I realized today, while standing in that same hallway, waiting, that I didn't have that sick feeling. There was peace. I know it was because so many of you were praying. It was even evident to our facilitator who looked at me intently as we walked in and said "Julia, you look in better spirits today than when we waited last week." It was true. I felt better. I stood there, looking at the same map of Ukraine that I had stared at for about 30 minutes last week, but this week, I actually noted where Moldova, Belarus, Poland and Russia are in relation to Ukraine. I saw cities on the map that had just blurred 5 days earlier. I noticed the river running through the country and noted the Cyrillic spellings of landmarks. We talked about politics, about the current events in the city, we talked about a taxi to get home and the pizza we had eaten. We stood quietly waiting for a while (the couple in front of us had been late arriving and took a long time, so our 2:45 appointment turned into a 3:30 meeting) 

We still don't know why we needed to wait 5 days for this meeting. We may never know. The political situation here is definitely not improved over last Wednesday. I'm not sure how that will end. That is not the point. The point is that we know Christ is still on the throne. We know that he raises up kings. We know that he defends the fatherless and sets them in homes. We know that He has us here now for a reason. 

Your prayers are still much needed as we begin yet another paper chase tomorrow..... 

Our orphanage director told Lena tonight that he meeting went well and she was excited. It is still amazing to me that our countdown now can more accurately be measured in weeks instead of months..... 

Just as other info, we walked out of the meeting into a massive amount of snow falling! It was so beautiful! I had noted earlier that the city was pretty, but after the weight was gone, it was even more striking! With snow falling everywhere! And people walking quickly! Like a storybook. 

We walked about four blocks to a "tram" that rides down the mountain to the city. I couldn't get a picture due to there being rules around here about not taking people's pictures without permission..... And people being EVERYWHERE! With the chaos going on around here, I didn't want to risk getting yelled at, or worse....  It was kinda built like the big trams that ride down the mountains in gatlinburg, but it didn't go up in the air, it stayed on a track on the ground.... But went straight down the steep hill... Connected to both the train track and to a wire above the tram. As we started moving, I noticed that in the distance the snow was falling so hard that I could not see past about 100 yards away....the snow storm was where we were headed and It was a giant gray wall..... Like the end of the world:) about that time our facilitator noted to Ronnie that this tram was built over 100 years ago. So, we were going down a steep hill in a snow storm towards the end of the earth on a 100 year old tram.... But with the next necessary approval in our process fresh in my mind.,,, it was awesome! 

We got in a taxi and headed out of town to our home. I couldn't tell you if there were many protestors today mainly because I wasn't looking for them.... But also because I couldn't have seen that far away if I had wanted to. :) 

Keep praying for us, for her and for this country! There are definitely things that we miss from home, but we all have a list of things we love here too! (The food is awesome! Both traditional foods they cook, and the produce at the store.... It's real food!) 

1 comment:

  1. God is so good Julia! I'm loving your account of all you are experiencing and praying He continues to make the way clear to bring your lovely Lena home. :-)