Thoughts running over about the events going on in our process right now and what happened today.
Not sure how to even start.
We are here. Indefinitely delayed. Beyond our control. Motives being questioned.
The country is in turmoil. As is my heart.
My daughter is waiting. So am I.
Our family at home is celebrating.
It just turned midnight. It is officially Christmas Eve. Doesn't feel like it.
We gave some gifts to kids tonight.
To hear a 16 year old exclaim that her world was spinning because of a golden locket necklace.... Overwhelming.
To see two boys looking at their new watches like it was the only thing they ever wanted.
To hug the sweet girl that got a necklace, and smell the perfume being enjoyed by the 15 year old.
To watch my own kids love on and be loved on by those who need love.
To observe my future daughter open a small doll and exclaim "klahs" ..... Meaning "cool!" Like it was one of the best gifts she has ever received.
It is more than I have words for.
The tears flowed tonight. For many reasons. Awe. Fear. Amazement. Frustration. Beauty. Agony.
Love. Tears flowed because of love.
Do you have extra?
I know some kids who need you. A precious boy, dear to my heart.... Who took Josiah in his arms to help him with a video game, and then later brought out his own remote controlled car.... Undoubtedly a prized possession.... None of them have many things of their own.... He Carefully Put the controller into the clumsy hands of a 3 year old, And patiently taught Josiah how to drive it.
A sweet girl that put extra bows and clips in Lydia's hair and carried her around calling her "Julia" all night. I didn't have the heart to tell her that was my name..... Lydia responded to her every time. Did she know?
The kids that are at the orphanage that don't live in the flat with Lena.... We couldn't give them all gifts. there are just so many.
They have names. Faces. Stories. Hearts. Lives. Hopes. Dreams. Passion. Excitements. Fears.
What they don't have is one.thing.
Oh, some have parents living. But either unable or unwilling or unfit to keep them.
I have intentionally tried to dance around the sob stories that would be an emotional effort to guilt people into adoption. No one should ever adopt for guilt. Or for rescue. Or for a cute story. For none of those things will help you even get through the process, much less then complication of the other side of the legal work.
What will get you through is love. And ironically. That is what they need.
It is not easy. As several have told us from the beginning. This is going to be complicated. And it is. But it is worth it. The hugs. The smiles. The love. It is worth it.