I'm struggling with my words.
Well. I'm struggling with everything. My words. My prayers. My thoughts. My dreams. My emotions. My heart.
I don't even know what to say.
We are delayed. Again. And we have exactly 10 days to clear it up before Ronnie has a ticket home.
I am empty.
I know all the truthful portions to what I am about to write.... About God's timing, and trusting him, and fearing not, and... And .... And....
And the truth is this.
My daughter is going back to an orphanage in less than 48 hours and we are not much closer to bringing her home than we were two weeks ago.
My husband and son are about 10 days away from heading around the world, leaving us three girls here to finish the emotional technicalities of getting her home....
And that is assuming that court actually DOES happen in the next week.
My eyes are tired of crying. My head is tired of hurting. My heart is tired of hoping. The two things that encourage me right now are hugs and kisses from my three kids, and sleep. And showers, sometimes, because I can cry freely there.
This road is hard. And yes, we chose it, we are choosing it. It will be a daily decision to choose it. Just like marriage, really, but with added bureaucracy and red tape.
We choose to keep working to redeem a life. A precious girl's life. The girl who does everything with enthusiasm.
She had Ronnie at the grocery store with a list of ingredients for cooking some chicken wings yesterday that she had seen on a Russian cooking show. She had me chopping chicken wings last night at 11:00 to marinate them in lemon juice.
She spins Lydia in circles and makes her laugh that big laugh.
She tickles Josiah until his face turns red and picks fights with him on who is what number in the family. (This is not a birth order reversal fight.... He says Lydia is number 1, he is number 3, and Lena is number 13.) she argues.....
She makes faces at Dee on FaceTime and is getting good at naming family members, and who they belong to in pictures.
She has learned more English in the last 14 days than I ever imagined possible.
She loves us.
We love her.
The battle that must be waging in the spiritual realm must be great. I can only imagine what amazing things are in store for her.... Because the battle for her life is hard. Harder than any battle I have ever fought. This young teenager is meant for greatness.
I am going to end the blog here..... But with one last plea. Pray, please.
I am kinda stealing the idea from a friend of mine that put out a plea for prayers online for us today. Her favorite number is 4, her favorite color is pink...... When you see either of these, the number or the color, please take that is a reminder to pray. We are up against a timeline wall right now that is not easily moved. There is little flexibility left. We have been here since dec 1.