Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Wait.... The answer... The beginning

My "daughter" was in Ukraine, I was in the US. I loved her and wanted her but she didn't know the depth of my feelings... our feelings.

We had already contacted our attorney in the Ukraine and had been informed that sometime in the next two weeks he would go and talk with Lena.


At first, I thought, great! Not much time... and then Monday morning came. I realized that the end two weeks was still 13 days away. Then Monday afternoon came. The end of two weeks was still 12.5 days away. Then Monday evening... etc. etc. This was taking forever, and we were still on Monday! Every moment I thought more and more about her.

When you are trying to get pregnant, (or afraid you might be pregnant) there is a two week wait. Every woman that has tried to get pregnant knows about that time - the amount of time you have to wait to take a pregnancy test. Not everyone is like me I am sure, but I become completely obsessed. I examine every small symptom. I check out crazy websites like twoweekwait.com :) and others. Every time, its like I am starting over, learning about the beginning of pregnancy again. Like if I check the websites early and often, I might not have to wait as long...

The difference is this, while I was waiting to get the answer from Lena as to whether or not she wanted to join our family, there was NOTHING I could do. No early symptoms to examine ad nauseum, no dollar tree tests to take and hope to see a line. Nothing but play with Josiah and Lydia and wait. and wait. and wait.

We got online and onto the Eastern European "facebook" and found her profile. We created our own profile and requested to be her "friend." She had not been online since she was in the US. Other kids from the group accepted our requests, but she wasn't getting online.

I made it successfully to Tuesday. Another long day. A million questions. No answers.

Ronnie deals with stress by doing stuff. So, he actually went ahead and started finding what all paperwork we were going to have to get together and started filling stuff out.... It can't be filed until later in the process, but I think this was how he was feeling like he was "doing" something to make the time go faster.

Other families that are in the process emailed and asked if we had heard anything yet.

Nope. Nothing.

Then, on Wednesday, (much less than two weeks!!!) the family that is adopting Yura (the little boy that Josiah LOVED!) texted at lunch. I was going through the drive thru to get lunch for my kids and just about LOST it! Yura had said YES!

I texted Ronnie. He was so excited for the Gothards.... and for Yura... and, like me, was wondering where our answer was!! :)

They are using the same attorney we are.... So, Ronnie, not being any more patient than I am, emailed the attorney. "When do you think we will have an answer from Lena?"

About an hour later Ronnie called. He was in the car with a co-worker, but told her that she would know why he was so excited in a minute. But that he couldn't do anything else until he called me.

With all four pregnancies, (we have had two miscarriages) I have been the one to read the test and walk in to tell Ronnie that  "I think I see a line." I think it is awesome that Ronnie got the email and got to be the one to call me.

The response from the attorney "Right now, Ronnie. I talked with Lena and she said YES!" By then I was sitting on my couch at home. Thankfully. I am sure that, had I been driving, it would have caused issues. Tears came immediately. I couldn't stay seated. I am a phone walker. The more intense my conversation is, the faster I pace. I went directly outside and began to walk on the worn path in my backyard.... from the garden to the swingset and back.

Here we go! She said yes! She knows we love her! She knows we want her! She loves us too! She wants us too! I laughed, I cried, I called my mom. I couldn't call anyone else. We had to let grandparents and aunts and uncles know in the right order, and then we could tell the world... and I wanted to do that now! So, I called Ronnie back - he was busy. I got online. She still had not been online.

It was all I could do to contain myself. Ronnie continued getting paper work together to begin even know what other paperwork would be needed. (At times, this list seems unending.) That night we created the facebook page, the blog, and started looking more into fund raising ideas. (please see the right side of the blog for more info on the two fundraising options we have right now). We emailed the social worker that is doing our home study and felt like we were on top of the world. We know this journey is going to be a roller coaster. Any time we work towards something worth having, we have to work for it. There will be ups and downs. But we are headed down the right path. Josiah is excited about his new sister and really doesn't understand why Lena isn't here right now. Lydia still smiles when she sees Lena's picture on my ipad or computer. I know it won't always be easy, but it will always be right.

You guys have already been more support than we can even comprehend! There are so many people already helping with funds, with room decorations and clothes. We are amazed at how God is working through you guys.

We have had a couple of times to talk to Lena on her "facebook" now - but as of right now, it has been since Saturday since she was online. The communication gaps are tough for a mom's heart. But we will wait.... we know she loves us. For now, we do something every day to start to bring her home. We have millions of questions - even more paperwork - and even more money to raise - but as big as the mountain seems at times, it feels so minimal as compared to that moment when we will get her through customs in the US airport - a fuzzy distant future right now - and she will be ours!

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